She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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