it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
