covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Mom said you looked used
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
