Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
