im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
