3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
