I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
COCAINE IS GR8
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
