Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
