Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
