Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
