I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
