just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
