Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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