I like my sex mixed with concussions.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
