dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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