ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
