Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
