Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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