you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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