Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
