He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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