I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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