I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
