This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
