Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
