If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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