He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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