so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I wish you could order shots online.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
