im six kinds of drunk right now
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i came on her dog
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
