Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
