you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize