Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
