Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
