i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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