What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You were trust falling into bushes
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
