I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
