Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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