I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
