the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm too high and old for this...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize