thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
