T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
