If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
honey bunches of taint.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
