don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
