If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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