I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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