apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize