i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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