I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
