is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
