I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
