U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
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