not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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