i will never coherently bang her
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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