woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
