If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
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