Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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