Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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