wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
