For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
