I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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