Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
