I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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