is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
