I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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