Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
