idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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