if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
