Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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