I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
