My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
