i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
