dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
