I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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