So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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