The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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