He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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