i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
