Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
