He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
