Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
