; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
