Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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