Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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