Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
