marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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