explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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