forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
