I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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