So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
