I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
