My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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