remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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