better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
