just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
