girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just invented taco cereal.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
