I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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